Entry 2: These People Are Out Of Their Minds, Part One

I call this Part One not because I have a Part Two lined up, but because I'm positive that I have not seen the last of batshit-crazy people here in Seattle.

I'll do this in chronological order. The first was the cab driver who took me to get my keys on Sunday. First, this guy was dead set on me suing the housing company for the pain and suffering caused by me not getting my keys on time. Second, he was dead set on representing me in that case. He asked if I was a Bush supporter - I can only imagine what he was planning to do if I had said yes. Kick me out of the cab? Hike up the fare? Lecture me on all the injustice in the world? Moving on, he proceeded to tell me that Seattle women are tough, but if you want to have sex with one, all you need to do is tell her you want an "oil change and a tune-up". Noted. He went on to say that if you want to have sex with a virgin, you have to go across the border to Vancouver, because as everyone knows, Vancouver is where all the virgins are.

This next one is my favorite. Riding the 36 bus home yesterday, a crazy bum got on and sat a couple of seats away. Now, being from New York, I am no stranger to crazy bums on public transportation and have generally come to expect them. This guy had all the hallmarks of a crazy bum: unshaven, unshowered, unkempt, peculiar odor, making eye contact with people while speaking complete gibberish in a gravelly voice - you know the deal. However, there was one key difference between this gentleman and the NYC crazies that completely floored me. He was carrying recently-purchased boxes of Fruity Cheerios and some kind of vegetable cracker, and through his gibberish he was offering them to people. Let that sink in for a minute. The bum was offering people food! That's the exact opposite of every bum I've ever encountered in my life. I was floored.

And finally, my third "these people are out of their minds" award goes to the Amazon Web Services team, of which I am a part. Yesterday, my second day of work, I was invited to a bi-monthly meeting of the Tatonka club. In a nutshell, about 50 Amazon employees bumrush this tiny wings-and-beer outfit in North Seattle and order, literally, thousands of dollars' worth of food. (I say literally because at the end of the night, one guy was running around yelling "Who hasn't paid?! We're a thousand bucks short!"). Anyway, as a rite of initiation, new employees attempt to earn the Tatonka Platinum award, which is achieved by downing 25 wings followed by 5 "pasty wings". I will leave the exact definition of a "pasty wing" to your imagination, noting only that yes, they are not pleasant to eat.

I'm going to have fruit and vegetables for lunch today.